Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
