Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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