I can text with my tongue
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
