Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
