if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
