but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
