It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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