i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
