Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
