You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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