dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
