Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
please don't ironically join a cult
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