great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
