Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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