Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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