I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
