WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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