i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Randomize
