he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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