oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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