Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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