Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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