i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
