Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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