I can text with my tongue
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
