found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
