So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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