Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
