Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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