do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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