i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
