SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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