My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
