so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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