Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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