sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
