My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
