it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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