evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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