How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
