Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
