the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
