You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
