I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
