margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
