my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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