So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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