I want to have your abortion
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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