I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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