turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So vagazzling was a success
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube