i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
