Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks

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  (631): I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks http://tfl.nu/hotd
  Replies (244) Good night (1047) Bad night (3839)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.

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  (618): In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it. http://tfl.nu/dx0b
  Replies (4) Good night (3191) Bad night (905)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (1161) Bad night (5831)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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  (231): Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins http://tfl.nu/vh4d
  Replies (10) Good night (1554) Bad night (3095)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.

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  (703): You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist. http://tfl.nu/4hjw
  Replies (4) Good night (955) Bad night (3777)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome

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  (208): When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome http://tfl.nu/r1ky
  Replies (17) Good night (3844) Bad night (1720)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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  (734): I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. http://tfl.nu/46aj
  Replies (5) Good night (1928) Bad night (1102)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.

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  (516): I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud. http://tfl.nu/o20g
  Replies (7) Good night (2415) Bad night (1033)
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  (916): View more from California

  whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door

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  (916): whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door http://tfl.nu/x1rj
  Replies (8) Good night (1115) Bad night (2061)
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  (949): View more from California

  Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.

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  (949): Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night. http://tfl.nu/dgcc
  Replies (6) Good night (1862) Bad night (611)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.

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  (281): Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons. http://tfl.nu/y27y
  Replies (6) Good night (3177) Bad night (666)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.

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  (954): Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake. http://tfl.nu/0nfr
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (317)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now

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  (604): Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now http://tfl.nu/0ski
  Replies (5) Good night (774) Bad night (356)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really

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  (+44): although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really http://tfl.nu/kxvm
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (197)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing

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  (518): I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing http://tfl.nu/06p1
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (227)

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