I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?