He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low