Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
