She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The feeling are messing with the penis
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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