In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How naked do you want me to be?
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