Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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