apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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