I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
