Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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