If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
