Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
