Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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