Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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