a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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