...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
