To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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