Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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