3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
