you would pick up someone in the library
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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