he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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